Have you thought your child needs help with behaviors?
Have you considered your personal history may be affecting the child’s behavior?
As a parent, you have all kinds of styles and skills. Many are based on how you were parented, experiences you have had, and your life choices. Parents do the best they know. You love your child and want them to be healthy productive people.
Learn how your style affects your child
- What meaning have you attached to your child’s behavior? You are interpreting your child’s interactions with you, but are you correct? You think your child is being bratty or entitled but your child thinks she is asking for attention. Try to discover what your child is asking for.
- How do you regulate your behavior to best help your child? You are busy, tired and have many things going on at once. You need an arsenal of self-regulating skills to keep your self calm and doing your best. Install resources that protect, support, and encourage. Images can help us and our children determine where we are emotionally.
- Change sorter– put in the change, it is sorted, then comes out more organized. Take in what is going on. Think it through. Then respond.
Thermometer – are you already in a heated space or cold space. How can you neutralize your feelings to respond to your child.
- Playground – have you created many “playground” experiences that can be remembered and brought to mind when having a tough time.
A parent has cognitions, emotions, somatic reactions, and strategies and defenses that affect how they interact with their child at any given time.
- Cognitions are your thoughts and beliefs that we hold most of the time or when interacting with the child.
- Emotions are what you experience often as a parent, especially when interacting with your child
- Somatic reactions tell the body’s story. Your body language, illnesses, and body sensations are all somatic reactions.
- Strategies and defenses are patterns such as distancing, controlling, or criticizing.
Ana Gomez (a renowned child therapist), asks parents to challenge their thoughts and feelings. “Is what I am doing meeting the child’s needs.” Remember a child that has experienced some trauma will ask for help in challenging ways.
What triggers you as a parent? How can you find new ways to manage the trigger so you are available for your child. Children make all kinds of noises, run, crash, yell, sing, and many other things. These behaviors are ways for your child to express themselves and learn. Some of these may just be plain annoying to you even though the child is doing nothing wrong.
Here a few steps to help you start increasing your awareness and develop stronger coping skills.
- Learn a variety of breathing techniques to calm yourself and recognize what your child is needing.
- Make time to take a break and use the change sorter. Take in what is going on with you and your child, sort it out, then you will be able to have an organized response.
- Look at your thermometer. Are you hot or cold? How can you adjust your temperature before help your child? Drink cold water or hot tea. Splash cold water on your face. Go outside barefoot and feel nature.
- Remember your playground. You have no doubt, had many happy and fun memories with your child. Remember that you and your child are capable of fun. Remind yourself and your child of those memories.
Don’t get discouraged. If something isn’t working, try something else. If you need help, get help.
If you would like to talk with someone about your relationship with your child, please give us a call at 801-679-3932 or go to www.healingfocuscounseling.com for more information.