Friendships are an essential part of our well-being, offering emotional support, companionship, and a sense of belonging. However, as we navigate significant life transitions—graduating, starting a new job, moving to a different city—friendships can evolve in ways that may feel unsettling. This shift does not necessarily mean the bond is lost; rather, it reflects the natural ebb and flow of relationships as our priorities and environments change.

Why Friendships Change

As individuals progress through different life stages, relationships can be impacted by shifting responsibilities, new routines, and changing personal growth trajectories. Some common reasons friendships evolve include:

Career and Academic Transitions

Starting a new job, advancing in a career, or furthering education often leads to changes in daily structure and availability.

Relocation

Moving away from familiar social circles can naturally result in physical and emotional distance.

Life Priorities and Commitments

Entering relationships, starting a family, or focusing on personal development can shift the time and energy available for friendships.

Differing Growth Paths

Personal growth and evolving values may cause friendships to change, as individuals develop new interests and perspectives that no longer align as closely with their previous social circles.

Recognizing these shifts is essential for understanding that friendships do not have to remain static to be meaningful.

Assessing the Relationship: Key Questions to Consider

To navigate friendship transitions with mindfulness and intention, it can be helpful to reflect on the relationship:

Is this friendship still important to me? 

Evaluate the emotional impact of the friendship and whether it continues to provide support and mutual connection.

Can we adapt to new schedules and priorities?

Consider whether both individuals are willing to make adjustments to maintain the friendship despite life changes.

How can we stay connected in meaningful ways?

Determine what level of interaction feels sustainable and fulfilling for both parties.

Strategies for Maintaining Friendships Through Change

While change is inevitable, intentional effort can help sustain meaningful connections. Here are some strategies to foster friendships through transitional periods:

Prioritize Communication

Regular check-ins, even through brief messages or voice notes, can reinforce the bond despite physical distance.

Embrace Technology

Virtual gatherings, video calls, and social media can facilitate ongoing interaction and shared experiences.

Establish New Traditions:

Whether through scheduled visits, recurring phone calls, or annual meet-ups, creating new ways to engage can help sustain the friendship.

Be Flexible and Understanding:

Life transitions can be demanding; acknowledging each other’s evolving responsibilities with empathy can strengthen the friendship.

Recognizing When It’s Time to Let Go

In some cases, friendships may naturally fade due to diverging life paths or an imbalance in effort. It is important to recognize when a relationship no longer serves both individuals positively:

Emotional Drain vs. Fulfillment:

If interactions consistently feel stressful, one-sided, or unfulfilling, it may be beneficial to reassess the relationship.

Unresolved Conflict or Misalignment:

If core values, priorities, or expectations no longer align, it may be an indication that the friendship has run its course.

Acceptance of Change:

Letting go of a friendship does not diminish the meaningful experiences shared; rather, it allows space for new connections that align with current needs and aspirations.

Therapy Can Provide Guidance in Navigating Friendship Transitions

Navigating friendship changes can bring up emotions of grief, uncertainty, or even relief. Therapy provides a space to explore these feelings, identify patterns in relationships, and develop strategies for fostering healthy connections. A therapist can help you process difficult transitions, set boundaries, and gain clarity on the role friendships play in your life.

At Healing Focus Counseling, we provide a supportive space to help you navigate life’s changes with confidence and clarity. Our therapists offer guidance in setting healthy boundaries, embracing personal growth, and finding balance between honoring your roots and pursuing your future. Growth starts with you, and we’re here to support you every step of the way.

For more resources or to schedule an appointment, visit us at Healing Focus Counseling or call 801-679-3932. You deserve the space to grow into your best self.

Growing up, many of us are taught that family comes first. But what happens when our personal goals don’t align with family traditions? Navigating the tension between honoring family values and pursuing independence can be challenging. If you’ve ever felt caught between the weight of expectations and your own aspirations, you’re not alone. Understanding where these feelings come from and how to find balance can help ease the internal conflict.

The Struggle: Feeling Torn Between Two Worlds

Do you ever feel like you’re stuck between two paths—one leading toward your dreams and another tied to family obligations? Your family values can stay close, but you want to explore new opportunities. Expectations around responsibility, living arrangements, or career choices feel more pressure than support. Or you feel guilty for wanting independence, worrying that choosing your own path means letting your family down.

This conflict is common, especially in families where previous generations have experienced economic hardship or cultural traditions emphasizing collective responsibility. While family bonds are important, it’s also essential to grow as an individual and pursue what truly fulfills you.

Understanding the Differences: Perspectives Across Generations

One of the main reasons this tension arises is because different generations have different life experiences.

• Older generations may have grown up in survival mode, prioritizing financial stability, family obligations, and security over personal aspirations.
• Younger generations often have access to greater opportunities, increased mobility, and shifting societal expectations that emphasize self-discovery and personal fulfillment.

These different perspectives can create misunderstandings, even when love and support are at the heart of the relationship. Recognizing this dynamic can help foster empathy and more productive conversations.

How to Find a Balance Between Family & Your Future

The good news is that it’s possible to honor your family’s values while still creating a life that aligns with your dreams. Here are a few ways to navigate this journey:

• Communicate Openly – Have honest conversations with your family about your goals, dreams, and what makes you happy. Help them understand why certain choices are important to you.
• Acknowledge Their Sacrifices – Express gratitude for the support and sacrifices your family has made. This can help ease their fears and make them more open to your aspirations.
• Stay Connected in New Ways – Even if your life takes a different direction, find ways to maintain strong relationships with family. Regular check-ins, visits, and shared experiences can keep bonds intact.
• Set Healthy Boundaries – It’s okay to say no to expectations that don’t serve your well-being. Boundaries don’t mean cutting people off; they mean creating space for mutual respect and understanding.
• Seek Support – If the pressure feels overwhelming, talking to a counselor can provide guidance and reassurance. You don’t have to figure it all out alone.

You Deserve to Grow

Your dreams are valid. Choosing yourself doesn’t mean abandoning your family, it means honoring both your family history and your future. Growth requires change, and change can be difficult, but it is also a natural and necessary part of life.

It’s okay to set boundaries. It’s okay to follow your passions. It’s okay to carve your own path.

At Healing Focus Counseling, we provide a supportive space to help you navigate life’s changes with confidence and clarity. Our therapists offer guidance in setting healthy boundaries, embracing personal growth, and finding balance between honoring your roots and pursuing your future. Growth starts with you, and we’re here to support you every step of the way.

For more resources or to schedule an appointment, visit us at Healing Focus Counseling or call 801-679-3932. You deserve the space to grow into your best self.

Depression can often make us feel like life is spinning out of control. It’s easy to become overwhelmed by the weight of external circumstances, responsibilities, and relationships that seem beyond our reach. At Healing Focus Counseling, we encourage our clients to find empowerment through a simple yet profound concept: The Circle of Control. By shifting our attention to what we can influence, we can regain a sense of control and better navigate the challenges that come with depression.

The Circle of Control

Imagine three concentric circles surrounding you at the center. These circles represent different areas of influence in your life, and understanding them can help you prioritize your mental and emotional energy.

1. The Innermost Circle: Things You Have 100% Control Over

At the very core of this concept is you. The innermost circle consists of the things you have complete control over—your thoughts, actions, reactions, and decisions. When dealing with depression, it’s crucial to focus on this area, as it’s where you can make the most tangible impact.

You have control over how you treat yourself, how you set boundaries, and the habits you cultivate daily. While depression can cloud our thoughts, taking small steps, like practicing self-compassion, engaging in activities that bring joy, and developing healthy routines, can make a meaningful difference.

Encouraging clients to focus on this innermost circle empowers them to reclaim control over their lives, even in moments of emotional difficulty.

2. The Middle Circle: Things You Have Partial Control Over

The next circle represents areas where you have some control, but not full influence. This might include relationships, your work environment, or certain aspects of your health. While you can’t control everything in these areas, you can influence how you respond, communicate, or make changes.

For example, while you can’t control someone else’s feelings or actions, you can control how you respond to them. You can communicate your needs or decide when to disengage from negativity. In a work situation, while you might not control the outcome of every project or how others perceive you, you can control the effort you put in and how you handle setbacks.

Acknowledging what you can and can’t control in this middle circle can provide a sense of clarity, helping you focus your energy on making positive changes.

3. The Outer Circle: Things You Have No Control Over

The largest circle represents everything you don’t have control over—external events, other people’s choices, societal pressures, and unexpected challenges. It’s common for people, especially those struggling with depression, to spend a significant amount of time and energy in this outer circle. We get caught up worrying about things that we cannot change, which leads to frustration, anxiety, and a sense of helplessness.

While it’s natural to think about these larger forces in your life, focusing too much on them can intensify feelings of depression. Recognizing that these are beyond your control can help you release the pressure you feel to fix everything.

Reclaiming Your Power

The key to managing depression is learning to live within the circles where your influence is strongest. By shifting focus from the outer circle of things you cannot control to the inner circle of things you can, you can regain a sense of purpose and control. When you learn to accept the things you can’t control, you free yourself from the weight of the world and can concentrate on taking care of yourself.

At Healing Focus Counseling, we guide our clients in identifying these circles and encourage them to prioritize the areas they can control. Remember, healing starts from within, and by focusing on what you can control, you can create a healthier mindset, even in the face of depression.

For more resources or to schedule an appointment with one of our therapists, visit us at Healing Focus Counseling or call 801-679-3932. We’re here to support you every step of the way.

Anxiety is a common yet complex emotion that affects millions of people worldwide. It’s a natural response to stress, but when it becomes overwhelming and persistent, it can interfere with daily life. Understanding anxiety, its manifestations, and the factors that contribute to it is crucial for managing it effectively.

Remember, “Breathe, darling. This is just a chapter. It’s not your whole story.” – S. C. Lourie. Recognizing that anxiety is just a part of your journey, not the entirety of your existence, can be a powerful step towards managing it.

What is Anxiety?

Anxiety is a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease about something with an uncertain outcome. It’s a natural response to stress and can be beneficial in some situations, alerting us to dangers and helping us prepare for them. However, when anxiety becomes excessive, it can lead to disorders that significantly impact a person’s quality of life.

How Anxiety Manifests

Anxiety can manifest in various ways, both physically and mentally. Here are some common symptoms:

Physical Symptoms:

• Increased heart rate
• Rapid breathing (hyperventilation)
• Sweating
• Trembling or shaking
• Fatigue
• Dizziness or lightheadedness
• Gastrointestinal issues (e.g., nausea, diarrhea)

Mental and Emotional Symptoms:

• Persistent worry or fear
• Feeling restless or on edge
• Difficulty concentrating
• Irritability
• Trouble sleeping (insomnia)
• Intrusive thoughts
• Avoidance of situations that cause anxiety

Factors Contributing to Anxiety

Several factors can contribute to the development of anxiety, and our body and brain can become accustomed to these patterns, requiring retraining. These factors include:

1. Genetics: Anxiety disorders can run in families, suggesting a genetic component. If you have a family history of anxiety, you may be more susceptible to experiencing it yourself.
2. Brain Chemistry: Imbalances in neurotransmitters, the brain chemicals that regulate mood, can play a role in anxiety disorders. When these chemicals are out of balance, it can lead to anxiety.
3. Life Experiences: Traumatic or stressful events, such as the loss of a loved one, abuse, or prolonged stress, can trigger anxiety. Chronic medical conditions or ongoing health concerns can also contribute.
4. Personality Factors: Certain personality traits, such as being highly sensitive, perfectionistic, or having low self-esteem, can make someone more prone to anxiety. These can all be improved through working on oneself with a therapist.
5. Environmental Factors: Living in a high-stress environment, experiencing significant life changes, or having limited social support can increase anxiety levels.
6. Not Living in the Present: Trying to control the future or others instead of focusing on the present moment can exacerbate anxiety. Practicing mindfulness and accepting what you cannot control are crucial steps in managing anxiety.

Managing Anxiety

Understanding anxiety and its contributing factors is the first step toward managing it effectively. Here are some strategies that can help:

• Practice Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques: Techniques such as meditation, deep breathing exercises, and yoga can help calm the mind and reduce anxiety symptoms. These practices help us live in the present moment, which takes your brain away from worrying about the future.
• Stay Physically Active: Regular exercise can help reduce anxiety by releasing endorphins, which are natural mood lifters. These can change our brain chemistry by increasing our hormones.
• Establish a Routine: Having a regular routine can provide a sense of stability and control, helping to manage anxiety. Again, these help us live in the moment.
• Seek Professional Help: Sometimes, anxiety can be too overwhelming to manage on your own. Retraining a brain that is used to anxiety takes work and consistency. Seeking professional support can provide you with the tools and strategies you need to cope effectively.

Reach out for Support

If you or someone you know is struggling with anxiety, remember that help is available. For personalized support and guidance, contact Julie at Healing Focus Counseling at 801-679-3932 or visit us at Healing Focus Counseling. We have openings right away. Together, we can work towards a calmer, more balanced life.

Understanding anxiety is the first step toward managing it – if you can name it, you can tame it. By recognizing its symptoms and knowing what factors contribute to it, you can take proactive steps to reduce its impact on your life. Don’t hesitate to reach out for support—you’re not alone in this journey.

Self-esteem is the foundation of our mental health, influencing how we perceive ourselves and interact with the world. Building a healthy self-esteem can lead to a more fulfilling and confident life. At Healing Focus Counseling, we understand the importance of self-esteem and are here to help you strengthen it. Here are some tips to boost your self-esteem and cultivate a positive self-image.

Practice Self-Compassion

Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself with the same compassion and understanding that you would offer a friend. Acknowledge your achievements and forgive yourself for mistakes. Remember, nobody is perfect.

Set Realistic Goals

Setting and achieving small, attainable goals can boost your confidence and sense of accomplishment. Break larger goals into smaller steps and celebrate your progress along the way.

Focus on Your Strengths

Identify your strengths and focus on them. Whether it’s a talent, skill, or personal quality, acknowledging what you do well can help reinforce your self-worth.

Surround Yourself with Positive People

Spend time with people who uplift and support you. Positive relationships can provide encouragement and a healthy perspective on your self-worth.

Challenge Negative Thoughts

When negative thoughts creep in, challenge them. Replace self-criticism with positive affirmations. Remind yourself of your worth and capabilities.

Take Care of Your Physical Health

Physical well-being plays a crucial role in self-esteem. Regular exercise, a balanced diet, and adequate sleep can improve your mood and overall sense of well-being.

Seek Professional Help

Sometimes, building self-esteem requires professional support. Therapy can provide a safe space to explore and address underlying issues affecting your self-esteem.

Call to Action

Building self-esteem is a journey, and you don’t have to walk it alone. At Healing Focus Counseling, we are dedicated to helping you develop a healthier self-image and a more confident outlook on life. Our experienced therapists are here to support you every step of the way.

If you’re ready to take the first step towards improving your self-esteem, contact us today at 801-679-3932 and explore our website. Let’s work together to help you achieve a more positive and fulfilling life.

For more tips and guidance on mental health and wellness, follow our blog and stay connected with Healing Focus Counseling. Remember, you are worthy of love, respect, and confidence.

As summer approaches, families everywhere look forward to a season filled with sunshine, outdoor activities, and cherished moments together. For parents, this time of year presents unique opportunities and challenges, especially when balancing work responsibilities, addressing children’s boredom, and ensuring a healthy, active lifestyle. At Healing Focus Counseling, we understand the importance of maintaining a healthy parenting approach during these months. Here are some essential tips to help you navigate the summer with a focus on play, boundaries, and overall well-being.

The Importance of Play

Summer is synonymous with play, and for children, play is more than just a way to pass the time—it is a critical component of their development. Through play, children explore their creativity, build social skills, and develop problem-solving abilities. Encouraging outdoor activities like biking, hiking, swimming, or simply running around the park helps children stay active and engaged.

Our clinical director, Julie Mathewson, works with kids as a therapist and utilizes play therapy to help children express themselves and work through challenges. Play therapy can be a powerful tool in fostering emotional growth and resilience.

As parents, it’s important to participate in these activities whenever possible. Playing with your children not only strengthens your bond but also allows you to model healthy behaviors. Whether it’s a family game night, a day at the beach, or a backyard campout, these moments create lasting memories and foster a sense of togetherness.

Balancing Work and Family Time

For many parents, summer can bring the added challenge of balancing work commitments with the desire to spend quality time with their children. This balance is crucial for maintaining a healthy family dynamic. Here are some strategies to help manage both:

1. Create a Schedule: Establish a daily routine that includes designated work hours and family time. Having a consistent schedule helps children know what to expect and reduces stress for everyone.

2. Set Clear Boundaries: When working from home, it’s essential to set clear boundaries between work and personal time. Communicate with your employer about your availability and create a workspace that minimizes distractions. Let your children know when you are available and when you need to focus on work.

3. Flexible Work Arrangements: If possible, explore flexible work arrangements that allow you to adjust your hours to spend more time with your children during the day. Many employers offer options such as remote work, flexible hours, or compressed workweeks.

Addressing Boredom Constructively

Children often experience boredom during the summer months, especially when their usual routines are disrupted. Boredom, however, can be an opportunity for growth and creativity. Here are some ways to help your children manage boredom constructively:

1. Encourage Independence: Allow your children to take the lead in finding activities that interest them. Provide them with materials for arts and crafts, books to read, or puzzles to solve. Encouraging independent play fosters creativity and self-reliance.

2. Plan Activities Together: Involve your children in planning summer activities. Create a list of fun and educational activities, such as visiting a museum, exploring nature trails, or having a DIY project day. Planning together gives children a sense of control and anticipation.

3. Limit Screen Time: While technology can be a helpful tool, it’s important to set limits on screen time. Encourage activities that promote physical movement and face-to-face interaction. Set specific times for watching TV or playing video games and offer alternatives that are equally engaging.

Setting Healthy Boundaries

Setting boundaries is a crucial aspect of healthy parenting. Boundaries provide children with a sense of security and help them understand expectations and limits. Here are some tips for setting effective boundaries this summer:

1. Be Consistent: Consistency is key when it comes to enforcing boundaries. Clearly communicate your expectations and the consequences for not following them. Consistent boundaries help children understand what is acceptable behavior.

2. Be Positive and Encouraging: Frame boundaries in a positive way. Instead of focusing on what children cannot do, emphasize what they can do. For example, “You can play outside after you finish your chores” is more encouraging than simply saying, “No playing outside until your chores are done.”

3. Involve Children in Decision-Making: When appropriate, involve your children in setting boundaries. Discussing rules and expectations together helps children feel respected and more likely to adhere to the agreed-upon boundaries.

Conclusion

Summer is a time of fun, relaxation, and family bonding. By embracing play, balancing work and family time, addressing boredom constructively, and setting healthy boundaries, parents can create a nurturing and supportive environment for their children. At Healing Focus Counseling, we believe that healthy parenting is the foundation for a happy and harmonious family life. Enjoy the summer, make wonderful memories, and cherish the moments you spend together.

For more tips on healthy parenting and family well-being, explore our website or contact us at 801-679-3932 for personalized guidance and support.

Have you thought your child needs help with behaviors?

Have you considered your personal history may be affecting the child’s behavior?

As a parent, you have all kinds of styles and skills.  Many are based on how you were parented, experiences you have had, and your life choices.  Parents do the best they know.  You love your child and want them to be healthy productive people.

Learn how your style affects your child

• What meaning have you attached to your child’s behavior?  You are interpreting your child’s interactions with you, but are you correct?  You think your child is being bratty or entitled but your child thinks she is asking for attention.  Try to discover what your child is asking for.
• How do you regulate your behavior to best help your child?  You are busy, tired and have many things going on at once.  You need an arsenal of self-regulating skills to keep your self calm and doing your best.  Install resources that protect, support, and encourage.  Images can help us and our children determine where we are emotionally.
• Change sorter– put in the change, it is sorted, then comes out more organized.  Take in what is going on.  Think it through.  Then respond.

• Thermometer – are you already in a heated space or cold space.  How can you neutralize your feelings to respond to your child.

• Playground – have you created many “playground” experiences that can be remembered and brought to mind when having a tough time.

A parent has cognitions, emotions, somatic reactions, and strategies and defenses that affect how they interact with their child at any given time.

• Cognitions are your thoughts and beliefs that we hold most of the time or when interacting with the child.
• Emotions are what you experience often as a parent, especially when interacting with your child
• Somatic reactions tell the body’s story.   Your body language, illnesses, and body sensations are all somatic reactions.
• Strategies and defenses are patterns such as distancing, controlling, or criticizing.

Ana Gomez (a renowned child therapist), asks parents to challenge their thoughts and feelings.  “Is what I am doing meeting the child’s needs.”  Remember a child that has experienced some trauma will ask for help in challenging ways.

What triggers you as a parent?  How can you find new ways to manage the trigger so you are available for your child.  Children make all kinds of noises, run, crash, yell, sing, and many other things.  These behaviors are ways for your child to express themselves and learn.  Some of these may just be plain annoying to you even though the child is doing nothing wrong. 

Here a few steps to help you start increasing your awareness and develop stronger coping skills.

•  Learn a variety of breathing techniques to calm yourself and recognize what your child is needing.
• Make time to take a break and use the change sorter.  Take in what is going on with you and your child, sort it out, then you will be able to have an organized response. 
• Look at your thermometer.  Are you hot or cold?  How can you adjust your temperature before help your child? Drink cold water or hot tea.  Splash cold water on your face.  Go outside barefoot and feel nature.
• Remember your playground.  You have no doubt, had many happy and fun memories with your child.  Remember that you and your child are capable of fun.  Remind yourself and your child of those memories.

Don’t get discouraged.  If something isn’t working, try something else.  If you need help, get help.

If you would like to talk with someone about your relationship with your child, please give us a call at 801-679-3932 or go to www.healingfocuscounseling.com for more information.

The brain changes with interaction.  As soon as a baby’s brain starts to grow, it begins to interact.  The brain synapsis and neurons reach out to discover what is around them.  All the child’s senses are involved.  Once a child is born there is brain activity looking for a response.  How and when we responds produces the hormones that either grow the brain or stunt the brains growth.  The positive hormones, such as serotonin, come from hearing positive sounds, feeling positive touch, and seeing positive reactions from their caregiver.  When a child is safe, their brain can grow and explore.  Negative hormones, such as cortisol, come from not having their needs met, feeling the stress of a caregiver, or being exposed to harsh responses to their senses.

As your child grows, it is important to remember that good interaction produces positive hormones.  It is good to spend dedicated time with each child each day.  Find a time that works.  Lay down next to them in the morning and talk about their day. Take time right after lunch, after school, or after dinner.  Let them be in charge of the activity or conversation.  Don’t wait until bedtime and get frustrated that kids won’t go to bed because they want your attention.  Plus everyone is tired and often everyone’s behaviors might not be as good.  Explore what they are experiencing by asking questions that can’t be answered with one word.  Try to understand what they are feeling.

As your child gets older it may become harder.  Don’t give up.  Start small and build.  Make positive comments, listen to their music, play video games, create videos, dance, play sports, or help with chores or homework.  When older kids are doing homework, are they stressed?  Offer help with their homework, have them teach you, bring a snack, or pick up their room while they work.   Be consistent and do the same time daily.  Talk about what you are engaged in such as hobbies or work. 

Look out for what triggers you.  Are you more reactive based on time of day or by certain behaviors of your child.  Why are you triggered?  You may need to explore why certain behaviors increase your negative emotions.  Take care of yourself.  Show self-care.  It is important that your children see how to take care of themselves.  When you care for yourself, you will be able to be there for your children.

Having meals together is an evidenced based way to build family relationships.  Dinner time together with no electronics.  Another evidence-based practice is setting aside a few hours every week to do a activity together as a family.  Start now. Set an example and eat and have fun with your family. 

Maybe you finally feel it is time or maybe you had a recent traumatic experience.  You have a specific problem, and you need help to resolve it.   Your peers or family are saying you should get some help.

Regardless of the reason…it’s time to find the right mental health therapist.

Who?

Find who is best suited for you.  Make sure you are looking for someone that has an active license with your state.  Ask questions about their specialty.  Find out if they have worked with other clients with similar issues.  Are there certain types of therapy they use. It should be evidenced based.  This means there is published research showing controlled studies that meet acceptable criteria.  It is very important to find a therapist you feel comfortable with.  They should be a good listener and ask for your perspective, as your therapeutic relationship should be a partnership between you and your therapist.  You should feel that your questions are being answered. 

What?

What do you want help with?  It is good to think about the problem that is interfering in your life right now.  It is also helpful to think about where this problem started or came from.  You may have trauma, unhealthy ways you managed that trauma, depression, anxiety, or addiction.  Often there is a combination of things such as learning disabilities, autism, and mental health issues.  Being able to honestly express your needs will help you find the right mental health therapist.

Where?

Try to find a therapist conveniently located to you home or work.  Therapy is a commitment and if they are too hard to get to, you may find yourself using that as an excuse not to go. Whenever possible it should be in a safe part of the community, have security measures, and be well lit.  Make sure the environment is comfortable and peaceful.  It is important that you be able to take time to relax before and after the session. 

How?

You can get a referral from a trusted friend, family member or your clergy.  Your primary care doctor may also have some referral preferences.  Perhaps you want more anonymity, your local or national advocacy organizations may be able to help find the right therapist for you.  Are you thinking, I’ll just take a pill for that.  Medications help with symptoms but don’t solve the root problem.  Medications can also cause other side effects. Therapy gets to the root problem of emotional pain.  It is best to work with a therapist and determine if medication might help in conjunction with the counseling. 

When?

Now! It takes courage to get help for ourselves.  It also takes work.  You must think about the time and effort you will put into your own care.  You will not only have sessions to attend but you will often be given daily skills to practice as well as other homework that will help you.  You are worth the time and energy.  You can make the changes.  You can learn to avoid toxic behaviors, end negative patterns or behavior, improve happiness, increase your self-worth, strengthen your relationships, and build positive coping skills. 

So…pick up the phone or type in the email and get started on your self-development.