When people hear the word relationships, most minds go

straight to partners, family, friends, coworkers — the visible connections. February makes that even louder. Store aisles turn pink, social media fills with couple photos, and conversations drift toward who has plans, who feels appreciated, and who feels left out. For a lot of people, the month quietly turns into a kind of check-in: Is my relationship okay? Am I the only one struggling? Why does this seem easier for everyone else?

Here’s something we notice every year at Healing Focus Counseling. When people reach out for therapy around February, they usually believe they’re coming in because of someone else — a partner, a breakup, ongoing conflict, or loneliness. And sometimes that’s true. But as sessions go on, a different theme tends to show up.

The relationship causing the most distress usually isn’t the one they expected. It’s the relationship they have with themselves.

There’s an ongoing voice inside all of us. It runs in the background after conversations, before hard moments, and especially after mistakes. Most people don’t realize how constant it is until they start paying attention. But that inner commentary shapes reactions far more than the outside situation.

Self-Talk

In therapy we spend a lot of time helping people communicate better with others — listening, apologizing, asking for needs, repairing conflict. But there’s another kind of communication happening nonstop: the way someone talks to themselves.

And honestly, it’s often rough.

After a social interaction: That was awkward.

After forgetting something: You should have known better.

During a busy day: You’re behind.

After an argument: You messed everything up.

This voice usually isn’t intentional cruelty. Most people learned it somewhere along the way. Being hard on oneself felt like a way to stay motivated, avoid mistakes, or prevent rejection. The idea was simple: if expectations stay high, improvement will follow. But the brain doesn’t hear motivation. It hears danger. When the mind repeats not good enough over and over, the nervous system reacts as if something is wrong right now. Anxiety rises. People overthink. They withdraw or become reactive. Relationships start to feel fragile — not because there isn’t love, but because there isn’t much internal safety.

Self-Awareness: Where Change Actually Starts

Self-awareness sounds big and complicated, but it usually begins with something small: noticing. Noticing thoughts after a tiny mistake. Noticing a strong reaction to a small situation. Noticing tension in the body after perceived judgment. One question we often ask clients is simple: Would you say this to someone you care about?

If a friend spilled coffee, forgot a plan, or got nervous in a conversation, most people would respond gently. They’d reassure, laugh it off, help them reset.

But internally, many people respond with criticism, impatience, or disappointment. Over time, the mind never really rests. Even good experiences get replayed and analyzed. Conversations are reviewed later like game film. There’s always a sense of preparing for something going wrong.

So people try to fix relationships on the outside while the relationship on the inside stays tense.

Why This Affects Every Relationship

It’s easy to assume relationship problems come down to compatibility, communication style, or emotional availability. Those things matter. But the tone of internal dialogue plays a bigger role than most expect. If the inner voice keeps saying: You’re too much. You’re not enough. They’ll eventually leave.

Then reassurance from others doesn’t stick. Compliments feel temporary. Silence feels threatening. Small disagreements feel huge. We often see that insecurity isn’t always coming from the current partner or friend. It’s coming from the constant internal narration interpreting everything through self-doubt.

When that voice softens, something interesting happens. People don’t just feel better — their relationships change. They react less quickly, speak more directly, and handle feedback without shutting down or escalating. Boundaries stop feeling aggressive and start feeling normal. Needs become easier to say out loud.

Self-Affirmations (And Why They Actually Help)

Self-affirmations get a bad reputation. Many people picture standing in a mirror forcing themselves to believe something unrealistic. That’s not what we mean.

The brain learns through repetition. Over time, most people have practiced negative statements without realizing it: I mess things up. I’m hard to love. I have to earn acceptance. Those thoughts become automatic. Self-affirmations work because they interrupt the pattern and give the brain something else to practice.

For example: Growth takes time. Mistakes happen and I can recover. Needs are okay to have. Hard conversations are survivable.

Repeated regularly, these statements calm the shame response. The body settles faster. Instead of reacting immediately, people pause and choose how to respond. It’s about creating a sense of internal steadiness.

Boundaries Start on the Inside

Many people come to therapy wanting help with boundaries — saying no, asking for change, or leaving unhealthy situations. Often they assume the difficulty comes from fear of others’ reactions. Sometimes it does. But more often, it comes from internal permission.

If someone believes they are inconvenient or overly sensitive, speaking up feels wrong. If worth depends on approval, limits feel risky. As self-talk becomes kinder, boundaries naturally become clearer. Not harsh, not rigid — just clearer. Respect stops feeling like something to hope for and starts feeling like something expected. The relationship with oneself becomes the template for the rest.

What February Can Be

February amplifies connection. It can also amplify loneliness. But it can serve another purpose too: awareness. Instead of only asking, Who loves me? a different question can be helpful: What does my mind sound like when I’m alone?

Emotional health doesn’t come from avoiding conflict or rejection entirely. It comes from knowing that even during hard moments, the internal voice isn’t an additional source of pain.

When people feel supported internally, relationships feel less like performance and more like participation. There’s less chasing reassurance and more genuine connection.

A Different Kind of Care

At Healing Focus Counseling, therapy isn’t only about solving a current problem. It’s also about changing the everyday experience of living inside one’s own thoughts.

The goal isn’t constant happiness. It’s steadiness — being able to struggle without turning against oneself. It sounds like: Today was hard, but effort still counts. That conversation was uncomfortable, but it was brave. Progress is slow and still real.

As internal dialogue shifts, external relationships often follow. Connection becomes less about proving worth and more about sharing life.

The Relationship That Shapes Everything Else

Partners matter. Friends matter. Family matters. But every one of those relationships is filtered through the same place — the mind someone carries everywhere they go. Others can’t always be controlled. Reactions, timing, and misunderstandings will happen. What can change is the internal relationship — one that is patient, honest, and supportive instead of critical and tense.

February doesn’t have to be a test of love. It can be a time to notice where love is practiced daily, quietly, and privately. Because the one relationship present in every conversation, every conflict, and every season is the one within. And when that relationship improves, many others often do too.

If you need greater clarification and awareness in your life, you are invited to set up an appointment with Julie or Wendy. We will be thrilled to be your self-advocate.

January often marks the beginning of a new year, which can make goal-setting feel natural. Many people use this time to reflect on the year behind them and think about what they want moving forward. You may find yourself
 working toward a higher salary, improved health, more time with loved ones, or spending more time outside. Goals can be a helpful way to build motivation and create structure in your life. At Healing Focus Counseling, our clinicians regularly support clients in setting goals that feel realistic, meaningful, and sustainable rather than overwhelming.

An example of an unrealistic expectation might sound like, “I will be happier, healthier, and more successful once I exercise more,” or “Once I manage my time better, everything will fall into place.” These types of goals can unintentionally place happiness and self-worth in the future. When progress feels slower than expected, it is easy to feel like you are failing. Our clinicians at Healing Focus Counseling can help you reframe goal-setting as a gentle recalibration rather than a moral reset or a way to measure your worth.

Before setting goals, it can be helpful to assess your capacity, your support system, and the resources you currently have. This is a small but important shift from trying to fix yourself to learning how to support yourself. Everyone has their own window of tolerance, which is the amount of stress they can manage before feeling overwhelmed. Your window of tolerance can be influenced by many factors, including genetics, physical health, lived experiences, unprocessed grief, and early relationships with parents or caregivers. During times of increased stress or transition, your capacity may be lower than usual, and that is okay.

Working with a therapist can help you better understand your current capacity. A therapist is a professionally trained healthcare provider who can help you explore what is realistic for you right now. Rather than pushing yourself to meet external expectations, therapy can support you in identifying goals that align with your energy, needs, and values. Therapists at Healing Focus Counseling use research-informed approaches to help clients make changes in ways that feel supportive rather than overwhelming.

Motivation naturally changes over time. It is normal for motivation to come and go, especially during the winter months or during periods of stress. Our clinicians often see burnout related to January goals that are set without considering emotional bandwidth. Emotional bandwidth refers to the mental and emotional energy you have available to handle daily life. When your emotional bandwidth is already stretched thin, even well-intentioned goals can feel exhausting.

The good news is that when you become more aware of your emotional bandwidth and current stressors, you can begin to make choices that bring more meaning into your life. This may mean adjusting your goals, slowing down, or focusing on areas that feel more manageable. Working with a clinician can help you assess your capacity and create a plan that supports follow-through instead of exhaustion or burnout.

Goals can also be viewed as experiments rather than obligations. Instead of feeling locked into a specific outcome, you can approach goals with curiosity. You might try something for a few weeks and notice how it affects your mood, energy, or stress level. If a goal needs to change, that does not mean you failed. Adjusting goals is a sign of flexibility and emotional maturity, not weakness.

January goals do not have to be louder, stricter, or harder. They can be quieter, kinder, and more aligned with who you are right now. Growth does not have to be dramatic to be meaningful. Sometimes the most helpful goals are the ones that allow you to feel more supported, grounded, and present in your daily life.

If you would like support with goal-setting, reflection, or navigating change, contact Julie or Wendy at Healing Focus Counseling at 801-679-3932 or [email protected] to schedule an appointment. We are here to support you in creating goals that feel realistic, compassionate, and sustainable

Recently, our team at Healing Focus Counseling wanted to help raise awareness of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). Low energy, sluggishness, difficulty concentrating, and feelings of hopelessness or guilt are some of the symptoms that may indicate you are experiencing SAD. Reduced sunlight during the winter months can actually change your biology. Your circadian rhythm may be disrupted due to shorter days, which can contribute to feelings of depression. Reduced sunlight can also trigger a drop in serotonin, a neurotransmitter that affects mood. Additionally, changes in melatonin levels may disrupt sleep patterns. SAD is a natural experience, and fortunately, there are practices that can help you get through the darker winter months.

You may have never experienced SAD before, but both your biology and social environment are always changing, which means you could begin experiencing SAD at different points throughout your life. SAD typically begins in young adulthood, between the ages of 18 and 30. Certain factors may increase your risk, including a family history of SAD or other forms of depression. Having major depression can also increase the likelihood of experiencing SAD. Environmentally, living farther from the equator and spending more time bundled up indoors during cold weather can reduce exposure to sunlight and vitamin D, which may lower serotonin production. Although SAD often begins in young adulthood, it can affect individuals at any age. Keeping track of your family’s medical history can help you better manage risk factors.

Struggling with SAD can affect many areas of your life. Your work, social life, and family relationships can be impacted by behaviors associated with SAD, often without you realizing it. Lower energy levels can be the difference between participating in family holiday traditions and sitting on the couch scrolling on your phone. Fatigue can also make it easier to lose patience with children or family members around the dinner table. You may notice decreased tolerance for others, especially if relationships are already strained due to personality differences, lifestyle choices, or conflicting values. If you find yourself uncharacteristically irritated by something as small as a misplaced holiday cookie, pause, take a breath, and identify something—or someone—in the room you feel grateful for.

There are several steps you can take to help manage SAD symptoms:

Exercise regularly. Exercise can boost mood and energy while reducing stress by lowering cortisol and adrenaline levels. It can also serve as a healthy distraction from anxious or ruminative thoughts. Group exercise classes can provide added social benefits. If trying something new feels intimidating, consider searching online or asking friends for recommendations that offer beginner-level options. If you prefer exercising alone, start with short walks—such as 10 minutes a day—or choose activities you enjoy, like skiing, sledding, or ice skating.

Eat well and prioritize hydration. Everyone’s nutritional needs vary based on cultural, geographical, and lifestyle factors. It’s important to determine what portions and nutrients best support your body and mind. A simple guideline is to focus on fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins while limiting processed foods and sugar. Cooking at home can help you better manage the nutrients in your meals. Staying hydrated is also essential for maintaining energy and mood.

Set realistic expectations. You may feel overwhelmed by long to-do lists or pressured to create “holiday magic” and coordinate traditions for your family. On the other end of the spectrum, you might feel sad about being far from loved ones during the holidays. During this time, it’s important to identify what you want and honestly assess your available resources, such as time, energy, and emotional capacity. Acknowledging limitations is not a weakness—it takes courage to recognize your needs and set realistic expectations.

Define your intentions. You cannot control everything that happens around you—whether the grocery store runs out of cream for your holiday meal or a sibling reacts negatively to your decision to stay home for Christmas. In any situation, ask yourself what you genuinely want. How do you want to feel—hopeful, warm, calm, grounded, loving? Take time to reflect on how you want to feel over the next few months, and let those intentions guide your actions. While making changes to care for yourself may sometimes disappoint others, setting clear intentions can help you trust your decisions and navigate challenges with confidence.

Practice flexibility. Boundaries help you make clear decisions about what you accept from others. These boundaries naturally shift as life circumstances change. When adjusted thoughtfully, boundaries can support greater wellness and balance in your life.

Prioritize self-care. Self-care is more than a trend—it includes any practice that helps release stress. Self-care looks different for everyone and doesn’t have to cost money. Balanced nutrition and hydration are a great starting point. Other practices may include revisiting your intentions each morning, stretching, practicing gratitude (as discussed in our November article), and scheduling rest through sleep or gentle movement. Small moments of mindfulness—such as taking a brief walk outside or fully savoring a favorite treat—can make a meaningful difference. Setting yourself up for small “wins,” like meal prepping or planning time to exercise, can also support self-care.

Meet with a therapist. Life is constantly changing, and having an unbiased professional can help you make sense of what’s happening. Therapists can also support you through Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), an evidence-based approach that can be particularly helpful for managing SAD symptoms and supporting overall psychological health.

SAD is a common and natural experience, especially throughout adulthood. Family conflict is also normal and may feel more intense when SAD is present. The key is identifying how SAD affects your relationships and working with a therapist to ensure that roles, expectations, and behaviors are addressed in healthy ways that support your long-term goals. You don’t need to be perfect in how you manage SAD—what matters is your intention to care for yourself and your important relationships. 

Our team at Healing Focus Counseling is trained and experienced to help you work through SAD. Schedule a session with Julie or Wendy to get support and encouragement as you build your happiest life.

Gratitude can be hard to practice especially during the holiday season. You may find yourself balancing family and friend expectations of that annual dinner gathering. You may find yourself alone wishing for the opportunity to share laughter with loved ones. Whatever your situation may be, how can you practice gratitude when it feels like the last thing that you have time or energy to do? Our team put together this blogpost in hope to offer insight from the therapists here at Healing Focus Counseling.

The holiday season can be both exciting and daunting. Planning the magical family tradition dinners. Still not sure how you are going to make it to multiple house gatherings on the same night. Wishing that your children can be home so that you can share the joys of unwrapping presents together like you used to. All of these scenarios and decisions that you face can put your brain into a state of depression or anxiety. And if you get stuck in either of these emotions for long enough, you can potentially start feeling both anxiety and depression at the same time. 

Rumination, worry, and complaining are mental habits. Gratitude is one simple and powerful way to stop feelings of anxiety, depression, and loneliness. You can think of practicing gratitude as an alternative behavior to negative thinking. In therapy practice, we call this a Replacement Behavior. An example is when a child gets sad because they did not get the slice of cake that they wanted. This is understandable because their hopes did not come true. A replacement behavior could be to practice gratitude with the prompt, “What is one thing that you are grateful for while we are eating our cake?” Although gratitude seems like an unrelated practice for helping a child with their emotional pain, this gratitude prompt replaces the behavior of thinking angry and disappointed thoughts with the behavior of thinking loving and thankful thoughts. Practicing gratitude as a replacement behavior is a tool that you can use to redirect your emotional energy.

The holidays can bring emotional pain. Now you know

 how to practice gratitude as a replacement to distressed thinking. By focusing on the positive aspects of life, gratitude can reduce stress, boost mood, and enhance overall well-being. 

It may be difficult to start thinking about gratitude prompts for yourself to focus on. 

• We suggest that you start small. Begin with questions like “What is one of your favorite nourishing or comforting meals?” You might start with specifics like pasta that your grandma used to cook for you, or pizza at your favorite restaurant in childhood. 

• Once you have your favorite food in mind, start thinking about the smells and sounds in that environment that bring you joy. Was it quiet and peaceful in your grandma’s kitchen as she hummed an old family bedtime song? Or were your surroundings energetic with a lot of other kids running around between bites of pizza? 

• Next, you can start to focus on something like the
   grocery store where you got the ingredients, or the drive in the car to the pizza shop. Holding gratitude for joyful memories can be a great place to start recognizing what you want to bring more of into your life.

• Another gratitude prompt that you can focus on is “What skill are you thankful to have?” If you have been stuck in anxiety or depression for a while, it may be hard to believe that you are skilled at anything. This type of belief about yourself is natural if you have not yet learned how to take care of your mental health. The good news is that positive beliefs about yourself can be a practice that you can start right now. It may be hard to start out, but stick with it and something will begin to surface. You might recall being skilled at math in your childhood or being skilled at taking care of a pet. You might be skilled at saying hello to another person at the park. You might notice that you are skilled at finding sales in the grocery store. Everyone is skilled at something whether they believe it or not, and pausing to notice your skills is one way to practice gratitude. 

Life is full of loss and hardship. One gratitude practice that you can apply is to ask yourself, “What challenges have I overcome, and what did I learn from them?” You can start with something less charged by recalling a lesson from childhood. Maybe you remember going outside to look at ants on the sidewalk when everyone else was busy and you were bored. This lesson taught you that you have the power to make any moment interesting with a mindset of flexibility and creativity. Now that your neurons are working in line with gratitude, you can try recalling a lesson from something more recent in your life. Maybe you recently went through a divorce because you and your partner were no longer able to grow as individuals within your relationship. This is a really hard and sad experience in one’s life and it may leave a hole in your heart. At the same time, without discounting how world-shattering a separation like this can be, you might be able to find through gratitude that you learned the importance of courage and acceptance in the face of fear. 

It is important to understand that gratitude does not make your emotional pain go away completely. Rather, gratitude is a coping mechanism that you can practice to help bring your mind ease so that you can strategically make steps to make your life feel rich. Long-term, depending on the nature and cause of your pain you may need to address the deeper sources of your anxiety and depression. 

Finding help is the important next step for your development. As humans, we cannot go through a time of psychological growth like this alone. A therapist is one potential relationship that you can turn to for unbiased, professional support to help you process your pain. Therapists offer a confidential and accepting place for you to explore aspects about yourself. Therapists also offer tools and approaches that are evidence-based and tailored specifically to your needs and strengths.

Your life can be filled with joy and content. Come see Julie or Wendy at Healing Focus Counseling if you need an advocate or guide to help you take action toward building a fulfilling life.

In this article you will find insights from our staff at Healing Focus Counseling about how to take care of yourself if you lost someone or something that means a lot to you. 

Utah’s changing seasons

The changing seasons can be a time of reflection. You might recall a weekend this past summer filled with warm memories of your favorite bbq dishes and gatherings with family and friends. For some, fall time is associated with settling in, getting cozy, and letting go of the extremes. You might bring your activities indoors, get that customary fall time cold that keeps you home, and no longer have weekend plans filled with camping trips or park picnics. Now that your body and mind are naturally processing the loss of summer, your mind can subconsciously start to remember additional losses from your past – loss of a friendship, loss of a loved one, loss of a happy life chapter. Fall time can bring with it feelings of grief.

There are many social misconceptions about grief and how to process it. Common misconceptions include “Time heals all wounds”, “You will get over it”, and “You just have to keep busy”. Even well-intentioned, genuinely caring friends can have damaging mindsets and practices for grieving. This is why it is important to find a professional mental healthcare clinician trained to help you process your grief.

Grief is painful. Grief is the set of feelings that you experience from loss. Grief is the emotional reaction to loss. Here at Healing Focus Counseling, we listen to your grief because it helps bring awareness to an emotional incompleteness that you might carry with you. Grief is the loss of your hopes, dreams, and promises that someone or something once gave you. Grief is not healed by just giving it time. Furthermore, unresolved grief can affect how you make decisions for your life.

This article is not a replacement for finding mental healthcare. We hope that your take away from this article is that grief can be confusing and isolating, and that our team is available to help you process your grief.

We conducted an interview with our therapists here atHealing Focus Counseling, Julie and Wendy, about common misconceptions around grief. Here is what Julie and Wendy share:

Misconception #1: Time heals all wounds. It typically takes six months to regain your physical capacity after having a baby, two years to get over the death of a loved one, and you will never get over the death of a child.

Time may seem like it is helping, but respite only happens when you are actively working with the grief. A person needs to actively process, not just passively wait for the pain to lessen. Avoiding or ignoring grief can make it worse over time and negatively affect other areas and relationships in a person’s life.

Grief requires time and effort in order to take care of yourself. Therapy, talking, learning a new life, and growing some aspect of your life are some of the ways that can be helpful. Everyone’s timeline is different, it does not help to compare your own timeline with others.

Misconception #2: You will get over it. You will get over leaving your familiar life for moving to a new town with greater opportunity, you will get over the shock and pain of being betrayed by your partner.

This is false. If you feed this myth it will grow and take longer. ‘Over it’ is poor wording and will only leave you with residual pain.

It is better to try to integrate the loss into your life. Change can make us have different perspectives and priorities. You don’t get over grief, you learn to carry it. As you build your future, grief and loss give us the ability to be a more experienced person, often leading to more empathy and compassion

Misconception #3: You just have to keep busy. Take on another job, travel the world, adopt a pet.

Grief and loss is like your mental and spiritual sides getting hit with a truck. Just like getting physically hit, you must recuperate. Staying busy has pros and cons. Distraction can help temporarily or from time to time, but you have to mentally and spiritually recover. You may find that you have the energy to help others engage in areas of interest. For example, starting a support group or community clean up day.

Julie and Wendy shared some things that you can do while you process your grief:

Our therapists Julie and Wendy at the Sandy, Utah clinic

• Postpone major decisions

• Honor your loved one – share memories and laugh

• Develop a new custom to keep the person in your life

• Find support and connection from trusted people in your life

• Pursue activities and bring you purpose

• Take time to acknowledge your loss and reactions to your loss

• Allow yourself to feel your emotions rather than suppressing them

• Verbalize, journal, or practice art to help you express your feelings

• Focus on self-care through sleep and nutrition

• Practice self compassion

• Find a support group

• Find a therapist to be with you as you process your grief

Grief can be confusing, painful, and isolating. Be gentle with yourself. There are practices for grief that enable you to continue living a meaningful life. If you feel that you can benefit from the help of one of our therapists, you can schedule a mental health screening or initial session at our office in Sandy, Utah or online by calling 801-679-3932, or emailing us at [email protected]. One of us will be in touch with you ASAP. 

Friendships are an essential part of our well-being, offering emotional support, companionship, and a sense of belonging. However, as we navigate significant life transitions—graduating, starting a new job, moving to a different city—friendships can evolve in ways that may feel unsettling. This shift does not necessarily mean the bond is lost; rather, it reflects the natural ebb and flow of relationships as our priorities and environments change.

Why Friendships Change

As individuals progress through different life stages, relationships can be impacted by shifting responsibilities, new routines, and changing personal growth trajectories. Some common reasons friendships evolve include:

Career and Academic Transitions

Starting a new job, advancing in a career, or furthering education often leads to changes in daily structure and availability.

Relocation

Moving away from familiar social circles can naturally result in physical and emotional distance.

Life Priorities and Commitments

Entering relationships, starting a family, or focusing on personal development can shift the time and energy available for friendships.

Differing Growth Paths

Personal growth and evolving values may cause friendships to change, as individuals develop new interests and perspectives that no longer align as closely with their previous social circles.

Recognizing these shifts is essential for understanding that friendships do not have to remain static to be meaningful.

Assessing the Relationship: Key Questions to Consider

To navigate friendship transitions with mindfulness and intention, it can be helpful to reflect on the relationship:

Is this friendship still important to me? 

Evaluate the emotional impact of the friendship and whether it continues to provide support and mutual connection.

Can we adapt to new schedules and priorities?

Consider whether both individuals are willing to make adjustments to maintain the friendship despite life changes.

How can we stay connected in meaningful ways?

Determine what level of interaction feels sustainable and fulfilling for both parties.

Strategies for Maintaining Friendships Through Change

While change is inevitable, intentional effort can help sustain meaningful connections. Here are some strategies to foster friendships through transitional periods:

Prioritize Communication

Regular check-ins, even through brief messages or voice notes, can reinforce the bond despite physical distance.

Embrace Technology

Virtual gatherings, video calls, and social media can facilitate ongoing interaction and shared experiences.

Establish New Traditions:

Whether through scheduled visits, recurring phone calls, or annual meet-ups, creating new ways to engage can help sustain the friendship.

Be Flexible and Understanding:

Life transitions can be demanding; acknowledging each other’s evolving responsibilities with empathy can strengthen the friendship.

Recognizing When It’s Time to Let Go

In some cases, friendships may naturally fade due to diverging life paths or an imbalance in effort. It is important to recognize when a relationship no longer serves both individuals positively:

Emotional Drain vs. Fulfillment:

If interactions consistently feel stressful, one-sided, or unfulfilling, it may be beneficial to reassess the relationship.

Unresolved Conflict or Misalignment:

If core values, priorities, or expectations no longer align, it may be an indication that the friendship has run its course.

Acceptance of Change:

Letting go of a friendship does not diminish the meaningful experiences shared; rather, it allows space for new connections that align with current needs and aspirations.

Therapy Can Provide Guidance in Navigating Friendship Transitions

Navigating friendship changes can bring up emotions of grief, uncertainty, or even relief. Therapy provides a space to explore these feelings, identify patterns in relationships, and develop strategies for fostering healthy connections. A therapist can help you process difficult transitions, set boundaries, and gain clarity on the role friendships play in your life.

At Healing Focus Counseling, we provide a supportive space to help you navigate life’s changes with confidence and clarity. Our therapists offer guidance in setting healthy boundaries, embracing personal growth, and finding balance between honoring your roots and pursuing your future. Growth starts with you, and we’re here to support you every step of the way.

For more resources or to schedule an appointment, visit us at Healing Focus Counseling or call 801-679-3932. You deserve the space to grow into your best self.

Friendships are an essential part of our well-being, offering emotional support, companionship, and a sense of belonging. However, as we navigate significant life transitions—graduating, starting a new job, moving to a different city—friendships can evolve in ways that may feel unsettling. This shift does not necessarily mean the bond is lost; rather, it reflects the natural ebb and flow of relationships as our priorities and environments change.

Why Friendships Change

As individuals progress through different life stages, relationships can be impacted by shifting responsibilities, new routines, and changing personal growth trajectories. Some common reasons friendships evolve include:

Career and Academic Transitions

Starting a new job, advancing in a career, or furthering education often leads to changes in daily structure and availability.

Relocation

Moving away from familiar social circles can naturally result in physical and emotional distance.

Life Priorities and Commitments

Entering relationships, starting a family, or focusing on personal development can shift the time and energy available for friendships.

Differing Growth Paths

Personal growth and evolving values may cause friendships to change, as individuals develop new interests and perspectives that no longer align as closely with their previous social circles.

Recognizing these shifts is essential for understanding that friendships do not have to remain static to be meaningful.

Assessing the Relationship: Key Questions to Consider

To navigate friendship transitions with mindfulness and intention, it can be helpful to reflect on the relationship:

Is this friendship still important to me? 

Evaluate the emotional impact of the friendship and whether it continues to provide support and mutual connection.

Can we adapt to new schedules and priorities?

Consider whether both individuals are willing to make adjustments to maintain the friendship despite life changes.

How can we stay connected in meaningful ways?

Determine what level of interaction feels sustainable and fulfilling for both parties.

Strategies for Maintaining Friendships Through Change

While change is inevitable, intentional effort can help sustain meaningful connections. Here are some strategies to foster friendships through transitional periods:

Prioritize Communication

Regular check-ins, even through brief messages or voice notes, can reinforce the bond despite physical distance.

Embrace Technology

Virtual gatherings, video calls, and social media can facilitate ongoing interaction and shared experiences.

Establish New Traditions:

Whether through scheduled visits, recurring phone calls, or annual meet-ups, creating new ways to engage can help sustain the friendship.

Be Flexible and Understanding:

Life transitions can be demanding; acknowledging each other’s evolving responsibilities with empathy can strengthen the friendship.

Recognizing When It’s Time to Let Go

In some cases, friendships may naturally fade due to diverging life paths or an imbalance in effort. It is important to recognize when a relationship no longer serves both individuals positively:

Emotional Drain vs. Fulfillment:

If interactions consistently feel stressful, one-sided, or unfulfilling, it may be beneficial to reassess the relationship.

Unresolved Conflict or Misalignment:

If core values, priorities, or expectations no longer align, it may be an indication that the friendship has run its course.

Acceptance of Change:

Letting go of a friendship does not diminish the meaningful experiences shared; rather, it allows space for new connections that align with current needs and aspirations.

Therapy Can Provide Guidance in Navigating Friendship Transitions

Navigating friendship changes can bring up emotions of grief, uncertainty, or even relief. Therapy provides a space to explore these feelings, identify patterns in relationships, and develop strategies for fostering healthy connections. A therapist can help you process difficult transitions, set boundaries, and gain clarity on the role friendships play in your life.

At Healing Focus Counseling, we provide a supportive space to help you navigate life’s changes with confidence and clarity. Our therapists offer guidance in setting healthy boundaries, embracing personal growth, and finding balance between honoring your roots and pursuing your future. Growth starts with you, and we’re here to support you every step of the way.

For more resources or to schedule an appointment, visit us at Healing Focus Counseling or call 801-679-3932. You deserve the space to grow into your best self.

Friendships are an essential part of our well-being, offering emotional support, companionship, and a sense of belonging. However, as we navigate significant life transitions—graduating, starting a new job, moving to a different city—friendships can evolve in ways that may feel unsettling. This shift does not necessarily mean the bond is lost; rather, it reflects the natural ebb and flow of relationships as our priorities and environments change.

Why Friendships Change

As individuals progress through different life stages, relationships can be impacted by shifting responsibilities, new routines, and changing personal growth trajectories. Some common reasons friendships evolve include:

Career and Academic Transitions

Starting a new job, advancing in a career, or furthering education often leads to changes in daily structure and availability.

Relocation

Moving away from familiar social circles can naturally result in physical and emotional distance.

Life Priorities and Commitments

Entering relationships, starting a family, or focusing on personal development can shift the time and energy available for friendships.

Differing Growth Paths

Personal growth and evolving values may cause friendships to change, as individuals develop new interests and perspectives that no longer align as closely with their previous social circles.

Recognizing these shifts is essential for understanding that friendships do not have to remain static to be meaningful.

Assessing the Relationship: Key Questions to Consider

To navigate friendship transitions with mindfulness and intention, it can be helpful to reflect on the relationship:

Is this friendship still important to me? 

Evaluate the emotional impact of the friendship and whether it continues to provide support and mutual connection.

Can we adapt to new schedules and priorities?

Consider whether both individuals are willing to make adjustments to maintain the friendship despite life changes.

How can we stay connected in meaningful ways?

Determine what level of interaction feels sustainable and fulfilling for both parties.

Strategies for Maintaining Friendships Through Change

While change is inevitable, intentional effort can help sustain meaningful connections. Here are some strategies to foster friendships through transitional periods:

Prioritize Communication

Regular check-ins, even through brief messages or voice notes, can reinforce the bond despite physical distance.

Embrace Technology

Virtual gatherings, video calls, and social media can facilitate ongoing interaction and shared experiences.

Establish New Traditions:

Whether through scheduled visits, recurring phone calls, or annual meet-ups, creating new ways to engage can help sustain the friendship.

Be Flexible and Understanding:

Life transitions can be demanding; acknowledging each other’s evolving responsibilities with empathy can strengthen the friendship.

Recognizing When It’s Time to Let Go

In some cases, friendships may naturally fade due to diverging life paths or an imbalance in effort. It is important to recognize when a relationship no longer serves both individuals positively:

Emotional Drain vs. Fulfillment:

If interactions consistently feel stressful, one-sided, or unfulfilling, it may be beneficial to reassess the relationship.

Unresolved Conflict or Misalignment:

If core values, priorities, or expectations no longer align, it may be an indication that the friendship has run its course.

Acceptance of Change:

Letting go of a friendship does not diminish the meaningful experiences shared; rather, it allows space for new connections that align with current needs and aspirations.

Therapy Can Provide Guidance in Navigating Friendship Transitions

Navigating friendship changes can bring up emotions of grief, uncertainty, or even relief. Therapy provides a space to explore these feelings, identify patterns in relationships, and develop strategies for fostering healthy connections. A therapist can help you process difficult transitions, set boundaries, and gain clarity on the role friendships play in your life.

At Healing Focus Counseling, we provide a supportive space to help you navigate life’s changes with confidence and clarity. Our therapists offer guidance in setting healthy boundaries, embracing personal growth, and finding balance between honoring your roots and pursuing your future. Growth starts with you, and we’re here to support you every step of the way.

For more resources or to schedule an appointment, visit us at Healing Focus Counseling or call 801-679-3932. You deserve the space to grow into your best self.

Growing up, many of us are taught that family comes first. But what happens when our personal goals don’t align with family traditions? Navigating the tension between honoring family values and pursuing independence can be challenging. If you’ve ever felt caught between the weight of expectations and your own aspirations, you’re not alone. Understanding where these feelings come from and how to find balance can help ease the internal conflict.

The Struggle: Feeling Torn Between Two Worlds

Do you ever feel like you’re stuck between two paths—one leading toward your dreams and another tied to family obligations? Your family values can stay close, but you want to explore new opportunities. Expectations around responsibility, living arrangements, or career choices feel more pressure than support. Or you feel guilty for wanting independence, worrying that choosing your own path means letting your family down.

This conflict is common, especially in families where previous generations have experienced economic hardship or cultural traditions emphasizing collective responsibility. While family bonds are important, it’s also essential to grow as an individual and pursue what truly fulfills you.

Understanding the Differences: Perspectives Across Generations

One of the main reasons this tension arises is because different generations have different life experiences.

• Older generations may have grown up in survival mode, prioritizing financial stability, family obligations, and security over personal aspirations.
• Younger generations often have access to greater opportunities, increased mobility, and shifting societal expectations that emphasize self-discovery and personal fulfillment.

These different perspectives can create misunderstandings, even when love and support are at the heart of the relationship. Recognizing this dynamic can help foster empathy and more productive conversations.

How to Find a Balance Between Family & Your Future

The good news is that it’s possible to honor your family’s values while still creating a life that aligns with your dreams. Here are a few ways to navigate this journey:

• Communicate Openly – Have honest conversations with your family about your goals, dreams, and what makes you happy. Help them understand why certain choices are important to you.
• Acknowledge Their Sacrifices – Express gratitude for the support and sacrifices your family has made. This can help ease their fears and make them more open to your aspirations.
• Stay Connected in New Ways – Even if your life takes a different direction, find ways to maintain strong relationships with family. Regular check-ins, visits, and shared experiences can keep bonds intact.
• Set Healthy Boundaries – It’s okay to say no to expectations that don’t serve your well-being. Boundaries don’t mean cutting people off; they mean creating space for mutual respect and understanding.
• Seek Support – If the pressure feels overwhelming, talking to a counselor can provide guidance and reassurance. You don’t have to figure it all out alone.

You Deserve to Grow

Your dreams are valid. Choosing yourself doesn’t mean abandoning your family, it means honoring both your family history and your future. Growth requires change, and change can be difficult, but it is also a natural and necessary part of life.

It’s okay to set boundaries. It’s okay to follow your passions. It’s okay to carve your own path.

At Healing Focus Counseling, we provide a supportive space to help you navigate life’s changes with confidence and clarity. Our therapists offer guidance in setting healthy boundaries, embracing personal growth, and finding balance between honoring your roots and pursuing your future. Growth starts with you, and we’re here to support you every step of the way.

For more resources or to schedule an appointment, visit us at Healing Focus Counseling or call 801-679-3932. You deserve the space to grow into your best self.

Depression can often make us feel like life is spinning out of control. It’s easy to become overwhelmed by the weight of external circumstances, responsibilities, and relationships that seem beyond our reach. At Healing Focus Counseling, we encourage our clients to find empowerment through a simple yet profound concept: The Circle of Control. By shifting our attention to what we can influence, we can regain a sense of control and better navigate the challenges that come with depression.

The Circle of Control

Imagine three concentric circles surrounding you at the center. These circles represent different areas of influence in your life, and understanding them can help you prioritize your mental and emotional energy.

1. The Innermost Circle: Things You Have 100% Control Over

At the very core of this concept is you. The innermost circle consists of the things you have complete control over—your thoughts, actions, reactions, and decisions. When dealing with depression, it’s crucial to focus on this area, as it’s where you can make the most tangible impact.

You have control over how you treat yourself, how you set boundaries, and the habits you cultivate daily. While depression can cloud our thoughts, taking small steps, like practicing self-compassion, engaging in activities that bring joy, and developing healthy routines, can make a meaningful difference.

Encouraging clients to focus on this innermost circle empowers them to reclaim control over their lives, even in moments of emotional difficulty.

2. The Middle Circle: Things You Have Partial Control Over

The next circle represents areas where you have some control, but not full influence. This might include relationships, your work environment, or certain aspects of your health. While you can’t control everything in these areas, you can influence how you respond, communicate, or make changes.

For example, while you can’t control someone else’s feelings or actions, you can control how you respond to them. You can communicate your needs or decide when to disengage from negativity. In a work situation, while you might not control the outcome of every project or how others perceive you, you can control the effort you put in and how you handle setbacks.

Acknowledging what you can and can’t control in this middle circle can provide a sense of clarity, helping you focus your energy on making positive changes.

3. The Outer Circle: Things You Have No Control Over

The largest circle represents everything you don’t have control over—external events, other people’s choices, societal pressures, and unexpected challenges. It’s common for people, especially those struggling with depression, to spend a significant amount of time and energy in this outer circle. We get caught up worrying about things that we cannot change, which leads to frustration, anxiety, and a sense of helplessness.

While it’s natural to think about these larger forces in your life, focusing too much on them can intensify feelings of depression. Recognizing that these are beyond your control can help you release the pressure you feel to fix everything.

Reclaiming Your Power

The key to managing depression is learning to live within the circles where your influence is strongest. By shifting focus from the outer circle of things you cannot control to the inner circle of things you can, you can regain a sense of purpose and control. When you learn to accept the things you can’t control, you free yourself from the weight of the world and can concentrate on taking care of yourself.

At Healing Focus Counseling, we guide our clients in identifying these circles and encourage them to prioritize the areas they can control. Remember, healing starts from within, and by focusing on what you can control, you can create a healthier mindset, even in the face of depression.

For more resources or to schedule an appointment with one of our therapists, visit us at Healing Focus Counseling or call 801-679-3932. We’re here to support you every step of the way.

Anxiety is a common yet complex emotion that affects millions of people worldwide. It’s a natural response to stress, but when it becomes overwhelming and persistent, it can interfere with daily life. Understanding anxiety, its manifestations, and the factors that contribute to it is crucial for managing it effectively.

Remember, “Breathe, darling. This is just a chapter. It’s not your whole story.” – S. C. Lourie. Recognizing that anxiety is just a part of your journey, not the entirety of your existence, can be a powerful step towards managing it.

What is Anxiety?

Anxiety is a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease about something with an uncertain outcome. It’s a natural response to stress and can be beneficial in some situations, alerting us to dangers and helping us prepare for them. However, when anxiety becomes excessive, it can lead to disorders that significantly impact a person’s quality of life.

How Anxiety Manifests

Anxiety can manifest in various ways, both physically and mentally. Here are some common symptoms:

Physical Symptoms:

• Increased heart rate
• Rapid breathing (hyperventilation)
• Sweating
• Trembling or shaking
• Fatigue
• Dizziness or lightheadedness
• Gastrointestinal issues (e.g., nausea, diarrhea)

Mental and Emotional Symptoms:

• Persistent worry or fear
• Feeling restless or on edge
• Difficulty concentrating
• Irritability
• Trouble sleeping (insomnia)
• Intrusive thoughts
• Avoidance of situations that cause anxiety

Factors Contributing to Anxiety

Several factors can contribute to the development of anxiety, and our body and brain can become accustomed to these patterns, requiring retraining. These factors include:

1. Genetics: Anxiety disorders can run in families, suggesting a genetic component. If you have a family history of anxiety, you may be more susceptible to experiencing it yourself.
2. Brain Chemistry: Imbalances in neurotransmitters, the brain chemicals that regulate mood, can play a role in anxiety disorders. When these chemicals are out of balance, it can lead to anxiety.
3. Life Experiences: Traumatic or stressful events, such as the loss of a loved one, abuse, or prolonged stress, can trigger anxiety. Chronic medical conditions or ongoing health concerns can also contribute.
4. Personality Factors: Certain personality traits, such as being highly sensitive, perfectionistic, or having low self-esteem, can make someone more prone to anxiety. These can all be improved through working on oneself with a therapist.
5. Environmental Factors: Living in a high-stress environment, experiencing significant life changes, or having limited social support can increase anxiety levels.
6. Not Living in the Present: Trying to control the future or others instead of focusing on the present moment can exacerbate anxiety. Practicing mindfulness and accepting what you cannot control are crucial steps in managing anxiety.

Managing Anxiety

Understanding anxiety and its contributing factors is the first step toward managing it effectively. Here are some strategies that can help:

• Practice Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques: Techniques such as meditation, deep breathing exercises, and yoga can help calm the mind and reduce anxiety symptoms. These practices help us live in the present moment, which takes your brain away from worrying about the future.
• Stay Physically Active: Regular exercise can help reduce anxiety by releasing endorphins, which are natural mood lifters. These can change our brain chemistry by increasing our hormones.
• Establish a Routine: Having a regular routine can provide a sense of stability and control, helping to manage anxiety. Again, these help us live in the moment.
• Seek Professional Help: Sometimes, anxiety can be too overwhelming to manage on your own. Retraining a brain that is used to anxiety takes work and consistency. Seeking professional support can provide you with the tools and strategies you need to cope effectively.

Reach out for Support

If you or someone you know is struggling with anxiety, remember that help is available. For personalized support and guidance, contact Julie at Healing Focus Counseling at 801-679-3932 or visit us at Healing Focus Counseling. We have openings right away. Together, we can work towards a calmer, more balanced life.

Understanding anxiety is the first step toward managing it – if you can name it, you can tame it. By recognizing its symptoms and knowing what factors contribute to it, you can take proactive steps to reduce its impact on your life. Don’t hesitate to reach out for support—you’re not alone in this journey.

Self-esteem is the foundation of our mental health, influencing how we perceive ourselves and interact with the world. Building a healthy self-esteem can lead to a more fulfilling and confident life. At Healing Focus Counseling, we understand the importance of self-esteem and are here to help you strengthen it. Here are some tips to boost your self-esteem and cultivate a positive self-image.

Practice Self-Compassion

Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself with the same compassion and understanding that you would offer a friend. Acknowledge your achievements and forgive yourself for mistakes. Remember, nobody is perfect.

Set Realistic Goals

Setting and achieving small, attainable goals can boost your confidence and sense of accomplishment. Break larger goals into smaller steps and celebrate your progress along the way.

Focus on Your Strengths

Identify your strengths and focus on them. Whether it’s a talent, skill, or personal quality, acknowledging what you do well can help reinforce your self-worth.

Surround Yourself with Positive People

Spend time with people who uplift and support you. Positive relationships can provide encouragement and a healthy perspective on your self-worth.

Challenge Negative Thoughts

When negative thoughts creep in, challenge them. Replace self-criticism with positive affirmations. Remind yourself of your worth and capabilities.

Take Care of Your Physical Health

Physical well-being plays a crucial role in self-esteem. Regular exercise, a balanced diet, and adequate sleep can improve your mood and overall sense of well-being.

Seek Professional Help

Sometimes, building self-esteem requires professional support. Therapy can provide a safe space to explore and address underlying issues affecting your self-esteem.

Call to Action

Building self-esteem is a journey, and you don’t have to walk it alone. At Healing Focus Counseling, we are dedicated to helping you develop a healthier self-image and a more confident outlook on life. Our experienced therapists are here to support you every step of the way.

If you’re ready to take the first step towards improving your self-esteem, contact us today at 801-679-3932 and explore our website. Let’s work together to help you achieve a more positive and fulfilling life.

For more tips and guidance on mental health and wellness, follow our blog and stay connected with Healing Focus Counseling. Remember, you are worthy of love, respect, and confidence.

As summer approaches, families everywhere look forward to a season filled with sunshine, outdoor activities, and cherished moments together. For parents, this time of year presents unique opportunities and challenges, especially when balancing work responsibilities, addressing children’s boredom, and ensuring a healthy, active lifestyle. At Healing Focus Counseling, we understand the importance of maintaining a healthy parenting approach during these months. Here are some essential tips to help you navigate the summer with a focus on play, boundaries, and overall well-being.

The Importance of Play

Summer is synonymous with play, and for children, play is more than just a way to pass the time—it is a critical component of their development. Through play, children explore their creativity, build social skills, and develop problem-solving abilities. Encouraging outdoor activities like biking, hiking, swimming, or simply running around the park helps children stay active and engaged.

Our clinical director, Julie Mathewson, works with kids as a therapist and utilizes play therapy to help children express themselves and work through challenges. Play therapy can be a powerful tool in fostering emotional growth and resilience.

As parents, it’s important to participate in these activities whenever possible. Playing with your children not only strengthens your bond but also allows you to model healthy behaviors. Whether it’s a family game night, a day at the beach, or a backyard campout, these moments create lasting memories and foster a sense of togetherness.

Balancing Work and Family Time

For many parents, summer can bring the added challenge of balancing work commitments with the desire to spend quality time with their children. This balance is crucial for maintaining a healthy family dynamic. Here are some strategies to help manage both:

1. Create a Schedule: Establish a daily routine that includes designated work hours and family time. Having a consistent schedule helps children know what to expect and reduces stress for everyone.

2. Set Clear Boundaries: When working from home, it’s essential to set clear boundaries between work and personal time. Communicate with your employer about your availability and create a workspace that minimizes distractions. Let your children know when you are available and when you need to focus on work.

3. Flexible Work Arrangements: If possible, explore flexible work arrangements that allow you to adjust your hours to spend more time with your children during the day. Many employers offer options such as remote work, flexible hours, or compressed workweeks.

Addressing Boredom Constructively

Children often experience boredom during the summer months, especially when their usual routines are disrupted. Boredom, however, can be an opportunity for growth and creativity. Here are some ways to help your children manage boredom constructively:

1. Encourage Independence: Allow your children to take the lead in finding activities that interest them. Provide them with materials for arts and crafts, books to read, or puzzles to solve. Encouraging independent play fosters creativity and self-reliance.

2. Plan Activities Together: Involve your children in planning summer activities. Create a list of fun and educational activities, such as visiting a museum, exploring nature trails, or having a DIY project day. Planning together gives children a sense of control and anticipation.

3. Limit Screen Time: While technology can be a helpful tool, it’s important to set limits on screen time. Encourage activities that promote physical movement and face-to-face interaction. Set specific times for watching TV or playing video games and offer alternatives that are equally engaging.

Setting Healthy Boundaries

Setting boundaries is a crucial aspect of healthy parenting. Boundaries provide children with a sense of security and help them understand expectations and limits. Here are some tips for setting effective boundaries this summer:

1. Be Consistent: Consistency is key when it comes to enforcing boundaries. Clearly communicate your expectations and the consequences for not following them. Consistent boundaries help children understand what is acceptable behavior.

2. Be Positive and Encouraging: Frame boundaries in a positive way. Instead of focusing on what children cannot do, emphasize what they can do. For example, “You can play outside after you finish your chores” is more encouraging than simply saying, “No playing outside until your chores are done.”

3. Involve Children in Decision-Making: When appropriate, involve your children in setting boundaries. Discussing rules and expectations together helps children feel respected and more likely to adhere to the agreed-upon boundaries.

Conclusion

Summer is a time of fun, relaxation, and family bonding. By embracing play, balancing work and family time, addressing boredom constructively, and setting healthy boundaries, parents can create a nurturing and supportive environment for their children. At Healing Focus Counseling, we believe that healthy parenting is the foundation for a happy and harmonious family life. Enjoy the summer, make wonderful memories, and cherish the moments you spend together.

For more tips on healthy parenting and family well-being, explore our website or contact us at 801-679-3932 for personalized guidance and support.

Have you thought your child needs help with behaviors?

Have you considered your personal history may be affecting the child’s behavior?

As a parent, you have all kinds of styles and skills.  Many are based on how you were parented, experiences you have had, and your life choices.  Parents do the best they know.  You love your child and want them to be healthy productive people.

Learn how your style affects your child

• What meaning have you attached to your child’s behavior?  You are interpreting your child’s interactions with you, but are you correct?  You think your child is being bratty or entitled but your child thinks she is asking for attention.  Try to discover what your child is asking for.
• How do you regulate your behavior to best help your child?  You are busy, tired and have many things going on at once.  You need an arsenal of self-regulating skills to keep your self calm and doing your best.  Install resources that protect, support, and encourage.  Images can help us and our children determine where we are emotionally.
• Change sorter– put in the change, it is sorted, then comes out more organized.  Take in what is going on.  Think it through.  Then respond.

• Thermometer – are you already in a heated space or cold space.  How can you neutralize your feelings to respond to your child.

• Playground – have you created many “playground” experiences that can be remembered and brought to mind when having a tough time.

A parent has cognitions, emotions, somatic reactions, and strategies and defenses that affect how they interact with their child at any given time.

• Cognitions are your thoughts and beliefs that we hold most of the time or when interacting with the child.
• Emotions are what you experience often as a parent, especially when interacting with your child
• Somatic reactions tell the body’s story.   Your body language, illnesses, and body sensations are all somatic reactions.
• Strategies and defenses are patterns such as distancing, controlling, or criticizing.

Ana Gomez (a renowned child therapist), asks parents to challenge their thoughts and feelings.  “Is what I am doing meeting the child’s needs.”  Remember a child that has experienced some trauma will ask for help in challenging ways.

What triggers you as a parent?  How can you find new ways to manage the trigger so you are available for your child.  Children make all kinds of noises, run, crash, yell, sing, and many other things.  These behaviors are ways for your child to express themselves and learn.  Some of these may just be plain annoying to you even though the child is doing nothing wrong. 

Here a few steps to help you start increasing your awareness and develop stronger coping skills.

•  Learn a variety of breathing techniques to calm yourself and recognize what your child is needing.
• Make time to take a break and use the change sorter.  Take in what is going on with you and your child, sort it out, then you will be able to have an organized response. 
• Look at your thermometer.  Are you hot or cold?  How can you adjust your temperature before help your child? Drink cold water or hot tea.  Splash cold water on your face.  Go outside barefoot and feel nature.
• Remember your playground.  You have no doubt, had many happy and fun memories with your child.  Remember that you and your child are capable of fun.  Remind yourself and your child of those memories.

Don’t get discouraged.  If something isn’t working, try something else.  If you need help, get help.

If you would like to talk with someone about your relationship with your child, please give us a call at 801-679-3932 or go to www.healingfocuscounseling.com for more information.

The brain changes with interaction.  As soon as a baby’s brain starts to grow, it begins to interact.  The brain synapsis and neurons reach out to discover what is around them.  All the child’s senses are involved.  Once a child is born there is brain activity looking for a response.  How and when we responds produces the hormones that either grow the brain or stunt the brains growth.  The positive hormones, such as serotonin, come from hearing positive sounds, feeling positive touch, and seeing positive reactions from their caregiver.  When a child is safe, their brain can grow and explore.  Negative hormones, such as cortisol, come from not having their needs met, feeling the stress of a caregiver, or being exposed to harsh responses to their senses.

As your child grows, it is important to remember that good interaction produces positive hormones.  It is good to spend dedicated time with each child each day.  Find a time that works.  Lay down next to them in the morning and talk about their day. Take time right after lunch, after school, or after dinner.  Let them be in charge of the activity or conversation.  Don’t wait until bedtime and get frustrated that kids won’t go to bed because they want your attention.  Plus everyone is tired and often everyone’s behaviors might not be as good.  Explore what they are experiencing by asking questions that can’t be answered with one word.  Try to understand what they are feeling.

As your child gets older it may become harder.  Don’t give up.  Start small and build.  Make positive comments, listen to their music, play video games, create videos, dance, play sports, or help with chores or homework.  When older kids are doing homework, are they stressed?  Offer help with their homework, have them teach you, bring a snack, or pick up their room while they work.   Be consistent and do the same time daily.  Talk about what you are engaged in such as hobbies or work. 

Look out for what triggers you.  Are you more reactive based on time of day or by certain behaviors of your child.  Why are you triggered?  You may need to explore why certain behaviors increase your negative emotions.  Take care of yourself.  Show self-care.  It is important that your children see how to take care of themselves.  When you care for yourself, you will be able to be there for your children.

Having meals together is an evidenced based way to build family relationships.  Dinner time together with no electronics.  Another evidence-based practice is setting aside a few hours every week to do a activity together as a family.  Start now. Set an example and eat and have fun with your family. 

Maybe you finally feel it is time or maybe you had a recent traumatic experience.  You have a specific problem, and you need help to resolve it.   Your peers or family are saying you should get some help.

Regardless of the reason…it’s time to find the right mental health therapist.

Who?

Find who is best suited for you.  Make sure you are looking for someone that has an active license with your state.  Ask questions about their specialty.  Find out if they have worked with other clients with similar issues.  Are there certain types of therapy they use. It should be evidenced based.  This means there is published research showing controlled studies that meet acceptable criteria.  It is very important to find a therapist you feel comfortable with.  They should be a good listener and ask for your perspective, as your therapeutic relationship should be a partnership between you and your therapist.  You should feel that your questions are being answered. 

What?

What do you want help with?  It is good to think about the problem that is interfering in your life right now.  It is also helpful to think about where this problem started or came from.  You may have trauma, unhealthy ways you managed that trauma, depression, anxiety, or addiction.  Often there is a combination of things such as learning disabilities, autism, and mental health issues.  Being able to honestly express your needs will help you find the right mental health therapist.

Where?

Try to find a therapist conveniently located to you home or work.  Therapy is a commitment and if they are too hard to get to, you may find yourself using that as an excuse not to go. Whenever possible it should be in a safe part of the community, have security measures, and be well lit.  Make sure the environment is comfortable and peaceful.  It is important that you be able to take time to relax before and after the session. 

How?

You can get a referral from a trusted friend, family member or your clergy.  Your primary care doctor may also have some referral preferences.  Perhaps you want more anonymity, your local or national advocacy organizations may be able to help find the right therapist for you.  Are you thinking, I’ll just take a pill for that.  Medications help with symptoms but don’t solve the root problem.  Medications can also cause other side effects. Therapy gets to the root problem of emotional pain.  It is best to work with a therapist and determine if medication might help in conjunction with the counseling. 

When?

Now! It takes courage to get help for ourselves.  It also takes work.  You must think about the time and effort you will put into your own care.  You will not only have sessions to attend but you will often be given daily skills to practice as well as other homework that will help you.  You are worth the time and energy.  You can make the changes.  You can learn to avoid toxic behaviors, end negative patterns or behavior, improve happiness, increase your self-worth, strengthen your relationships, and build positive coping skills. 

So…pick up the phone or type in the email and get started on your self-development.